What to Do

Last night I lazily went to bed after bagging 90 cones of cotton candy and still smelling of it. In hindsight, maybe I was subconsciously hoping the essence of spun sugar would magically bring us sweet dreams.
But I don't remember dreaming. I do remember waking to an alarm clock I was not excited to hear. Then I remember a 7 year old walking in and shoving in on my side of the bed. I gave her a quick nuzzle and scooted closer to Ryan. She scooted in closer to me. Not 2 minutes later, a 5 year old drifted in, then out again, to look for the 7 year old. He couldn't find her, so he came back. I told him she was in my bed with me, and he edged in beside her. It was a rare, quiet, still, peaceful family (okay, the smallest member was not present, but we'll take it!) moment, and I knew it wouldn't last. Because what always comes next is tickling, shoving, giggling, blanket pulling, and/or parents getting kicked out of the bed.
Before all that happened, though, I could sense Ryan waking up, but not moving. Just as the kids were starting to wiggle, he took a breath and said, "Jess, I don't know what to do."
And that, friends, is the theme of the day/week/month around here.
So, yeah, we've been doing some thinking and planning, making some changes, and considering making others. Some stuff happens naturally, easily. Other things take some considerable effort. Other things make you insane.
But, mostly, we make ourselves insane, putting too fine a point on every detail until making a decision becomes crippling.
That's where we sort of felt like we were this morning, and then I had a run in with one of the kids, and it really made me think. And I don't remember what I thought about exactly, because I've had other thoughts since then, but I remember having this one moment. Suddenly things were in perspective, and making a hard choice between two nearly equally good things didn't seem so big when compared to the job I have to raise these children. Balancing love and discipline, teaching them effectively, letting them make some choices and experience the consequences, deciding what an appropriate consequence should be when it needs to come from me, and having hard talks with the kids; those are the things that feel big right now.
So, now I'm having my moment. In those rare, still, quiet moments today between running errands and changing diapers, I take a breath and say to my Heavenly Father, "I don't know what to do."
But I'm glad He's there to help.