In Trouble with the Law!

I have a pretty big mouth, so I think I've shared this with most people I know who read this, but in case I missed telling you, here we go! Incidentally, everyone I told asked me if I blogged it yet, so I thought I should. Hmmm....where do I begin....
Oh, yeah, Ryan's bowels would be a good place to start.(that's right, people, a poop story, but nothing disgusting is happening here, so read on...) I could elaborate, and I'm very tempted to, but suffice it to say that the man has some temperamental goings on in this department. Very unpredictable sometimes, and I've learned just not to be surprised. (Come to think of it, all of life with Ryan could be described in those two sentences, but I digress....) So, one day about 2 weeks ago, he comes home pretty late. That's fairly ordinary too, but he has this desperate look in his eyes, and immediately I wonder what's happened. I don't even have a chance to ask because he dispenses with the hellos and heads straight for the privy mumbling something in passing about diarrhea.
At this point it's 830, and I have a movie rental due back at 9, so I determine I can go now since he's home. I'd just gotten one kid in bed, and the other was just hanging out waiting to be tucked in, so Ryan can camp out on the john if he needs to while I'm gone. I grab the movie and tel him from the hallway that I'm running out and will be right back. He groans and OK, and I leave. On the way out I notice something odd. Ryan always parks in the same spot every day because his transmission has a leak and he doesn't want to scuz up more than one spot, but his car is not there. I scratch my head and get in the car. Then I notice that his car is parked one house down. We live in a duplex, and everything here looks the same. He had stopped in the right place, just one building too soon. I realize he was distressed upon his arrival and probably just stopped there without noticing since he apparently really had to go badly.
Anyway, I take back my movie and head home. It's a short trip, and I'm turning into the neighborhood by 845. I notice a police car turning in at the same time. He makes every turn I make, and when I pull into my driveway he parks behind another police car two doors down on the other side of the road, very close to where Ryan had accidentally parked. He gets out and walks toward me but then starts to chine his flashlight around, and takes a good long look at Ryan's car parked there. When I get out of the car, he looks at me and I say hi. He asks me if I know who the car belongs to, and I tell him it's my husband's. He looks at me oddly and asks me where I live. I point to my house and tell him my house number. He says something to the effect that I could go on in, but he would come down and talk to us soon if he needed to. Then he walks away toward the duplex Ryan parked in front of. I ask him if he needs me to move the car, and he says no, and I tell him he doesn't normally park there and we're happy to move it if it's bothering someone. He continues to the other duplex where the other officer is already talking to the couple who live there. This couple has only lived there a couple months, and I barely know the wife from church. This is making me very curious now.
So, I go inside and find Ryan in our bedroom just getting out of the shower.

Me: "Hey, did you know you parked in front of the wrong house?"
Him: "Yeah, I was in a hurry and not paying attention."
Me: "Yeah, I could tell you were in a hurry. Feeling any better?"
Him: "I guess so. I've been having diarrhea all day at work. I even had to do it once with someone else in the bathroom."
Me: "Oh no! Did you warn the poor guy?"
Him: "I don't have time for all that. I didn't want to do it with an audience, but I couldn't hold it in. It's bad, Jess. I was in such a hurry to go when I got home, I tried to go in someone else's house."
Me: lauging, and then a lightbulb turns on.... "Um, you might want to get dressed."
Him: "Huh?"
Me: "I think the police might want to talk to you. I'll go explain, but you get dressed in case they want to talk to you in person."

So, I go outside wondering what to say. I think I just have to tell it like it is so they get the sense of urgency and forgive, but I hate to embarrass Ryan. (As some of you know, from time to time, I've been guilty of sharing too much, so I try to walk the line on that these days.) To my relief I see both cruisers pulling away, so they must have assumed someone made a mistake, but I think I better go and talk to the couple anyway so they are sure noone tried to break in.
As it turns out, they were really pretty freaked out over it, and not only did they call the police, but they immediately whipped out a gun just in case. So, I have to explain that he didn't mean to go to their house, and he would have apologized or something instead of taking off, but he had a situation that was heading toward messy if he didn't make it home fast.
In the end, everyone was relieved. Especially Ryan, of course.....