Since I will probably never be an astronaut . . . .

Do you remember wanting to become an astronaut as a child? Man, I do. And I think I remember everyone else wanting to do the same. Seems like NASA was sort of a big deal back in the 80s. Or maybe it's just because I lived a few hours down the road from the U.S. Space and Rocket Center. I remember going there on a field trip in 4th grade and feeling like if I could go to space camp, all would be right in the world.
Well, I didn't get to go to space camp, but I did get to buy some dehydrated ice cream (Neapolitan, fyi - surely an astronaut favorite) to take home. And, really, if you're going to dream big, you've got to have convincing snacks.
I'm thinking that, at this point, the astronaut thing is sort of out of the question, but there was always something else, too. I also always wanted to be an author. And you know what? I actually did get to go to a young author's camp in elementary school. Well, maybe not camp, exactly. It was a day long, and I got to go because I won a poetry competition at school for an acrostic poem I wrote with the word AMERICA. Fast forward to today, and I am neither an author nor an astronaut, but I still would love to write and, honestly, have maybe just an hour in a zero gravity chamber. I bet that's all I really wanted out of space camp, anyway.
So, I've told you all of this just to tell you this:
I know about 5 people who have recently finished first novels, and it is blowing my mind. I had no idea so many people were closet authors. I've wanted to write something forever (and I haven't), and there are all these folks churning out fiction while making dinner, shuttling kids, and having careers all the while. So, I am feeling kind of jealous, and I've been kind of beating myself up, and here's the result:
Not surprisingly, I am no closer to writing anything, but I've given some thought to what I will surely never write. This calls for a list, if you ask me. And, well, it's my little blog, so I'll assume you did.

Titles of Books I will Never Author

How to be Patient with Your Spouse and/or Children, No Matter What
Overcoming ADD: I Did It, and You Can, Too
A Mother's Guide to Teaching Children to Tie Shoes and Ride Bikes
Using Words Wisely: Keeping Your Foot out of Your Mouth For Good
How to Say "No" to Overly Needy People

Okay, now I just feel like a pessimist.
But, really, I stink at all that stuff. I totally have uncontrolled ADD, I'm impatient, my feet have purchased real estate in my mouth, I can never say "no" when I really want to, and I don't know who taught Kylie to tie her shoes (if it was you, Alex could really use your help!).
So, I'm wondering if I'm the only person not writing a book and if there is some secret to getting started/inspired/focused that I'm missing?
No, wait, don't tell me anything. I'm just going to decide that everyone else is busy writing crap and that I could totally do it better.
You know, if I ever get around to it.