Kindergarten Mom

Warning: This is lengthy. Sorry, it just happens sometimes.

Well, for what it's worth, Kylie is officially a kindergartener. She started last Friday, and we were all so excited! Ryan took that morning off to go in with her, and we arranged to take her out to dinner to celebrate her first day while Alex played with a friend Friday night. We had done all the school supply and clothing shopping ahead of time, so we were prepared and excited. But I have to say that after all that, school has started off with a thud! Her school actually started last Wednesday, but the kindergarten teachers take the 1st 2 days to test all the incoming children. The idea here is to balance the classes so that one isn't heavy on smart kids, rowdy kids, shy kids, or what have you. So, I took her in Wednesday to have her tested and fill out the last bits of paperwork, and there were some other kids and parents there doing the same. There are 3 kindergarten classes, so they were doing 3 kids at a time and rotating them in and out of each class, having each child meet with each teacher. The parents' waiting area was just outside these rooms in the hallway. The PTO secretary was out there talking to us and coordinating which child should go where, when. She was very helpful and answered lots of questions. One of them included a concerned mom's question about nap time. She answered that yes, kindergarteners have a nap time. At this point one, another mom chimed in, "How strictly are they going to enforce that?" The secretary explained that it's really up to the teacher and depends on her and the kids in the class. She said that some get phased out around Christmas break, while some classes seem to only last a few weeks. Then the mom explains the reason for her question. Apparently, at the child's preschool the previous year, they insisted on a nap time even if the kids didn't need or want a nap. This would result in her child (who apparently was one who didn't want/need the nap) getting in trouble, as she would get up during nap time, since she wouldn't fall asleep, and spit on the other kids. She explained that the school decided to eventually medicate her to get her to nap. Noone else seemed freaked out by this, but I immediately memorized that mom and her daughter and should have gotten to my knees then and there to beg that Kylie not be in her class. I'm thinking that, hey, by the way, any medication you give a child that induces sleep doesn't wear off when the nap is over. That school probably really wanted that child sedated all day and used nap time as the means to an end. I saw why when the little girl emerged from one of the testing rooms. Wild just about sums it up. And the Mom? I'd use oblivious to describe her.
Well, that was that, and we still had until Friday to find out who her teacher would be. We got there Friday morning, and go to the room posted with her name on the list. The seats in the classroom are labled, and it takes me a while to find hers. It's at the far end of the room. There are 4-5 kids at a table, facing one another, and it seems to be mostly boy, girl. I get her over there, sit her beside one boy, across from another, and who do I see when I look up but the spitter?! I just want to scream, but I decide the teacher can handle whatever happens, and I leave her there without a word to even Ryan about it. I'm trying not to be THAT mom. You know, the one with an issue about everything. I don't know how that's going to work out. If that kid spits on Kylie I'm going to have a fit.
Anyway, I go home and come back at the end of the day to pick Kylie up. I expect her to be thrilled. Her teacher delivers her to the car, Kylie has a smile on her face, the teacher says she did great, shuts the door, and I drive away. I ask Kylie, "How was school?" She says, "Not bad," as she buckles her seatbelt. I expected more than "not bad," but she's picked that up somewhere along the way, and I've had to learn to drag information out of her, like pulling teeth. The more I ask, the less enthusiastic she gets. Before we turn out of the parking lot she has decided she really doesn't like her teacher, she's mad as fire that she's not in the same class as her 3 friends from church, even though they all got in a class together, and she really doens't like school at all. I try to talk her down from the ledge, but it just gets worse. By the time we get home, I have a headache, and she is hysterical. "School is ruined! I'm never going to like school now!" Oh crap! Among her list of complaints are:

1. She didn't get to go to art class Friday, and this is a School of the Arts, for crying out loud!!! I try to explain that it was only the first day, and she'll probably start art class in a day or two. That's not working.

2. They went to Spanish class on Friday, but they had to watch a Baby Einsteins movie for some reason (that would have made me mad too if I'd been her), and she's not a baby, and it makes her mad to have to take a break and watch a baby movie! I wish I could tell you how really insulted she was by this. An exclamation point is nowhere near adequate. Again, I give the first day explanation, but that goes over like an atom bomb.

3. Her teacher made her do her ABCs on a coloring sheet, and she already knows them. Um, sorry, kid, this is kindergarten, you're going to see more of that! Again, she's pretty insulted.

So, those are the highlights from the first day, but she comes up with plenty more reasons she hates school as she goes on and on. She gets quite worked up and then comes close to passing out on the couch, but she revives herself with renewed gusto a few more times.
I'm really scratching my head here. This is a great school. We were lucky to get her in, but now I'm wondering if I've made a mistake. I had thought of cancelling dinner plans because Ryan was on call and was swamped with work, but I thought we'd better try just as a means to salvage her ideas about school. I eventually tell her that I'm really sad she had such a bad time because her dad and I were planning to take her out for a nice dinner as a surprise. After she finished being mad at me for ruining the surprise, she's excited that we're doing that for her. She got all dressed up for the occasion, and, not surprisingly, she fell asleep in the car on the way to drop off Alex. I could tell she was tired, but I rarely see her in that way, kind of like a rabid racoon. I let her sleep until we go pick up Ryan for dinner. She seems better. When she wakes up, she is a different child. We have a pleasant dinner, and she tells us a little more about her day minus the weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. Hope has been restored. We'll try again Monday.
Monday comes around, and she is fine. I drop her off in her classroom, and she seems fine. When I pick her up, she's definitely tired and irritable, but she has no complaints about school, her teacher, the kids, classes, etc. . . . She got to go to art and music classes afterall, so all is right with the world. I notice though, that she is way too tired for a child who's had a nap, so I ask her if she is falling asleep when it's nap time. Guess what? No nap time. That explains some of Friday's mayhem, but then I start wondering why they aren't napping. And I remember the spitter. I wonder if this teacher just decided after meeting all the kids that they'd do ok without a nap, or if the PTO secretary tipped her off to the spitter. Or maybe even the mom said something. She didn't seem too mortified with the child's spitting habit to stay mum about it. Either way, no naps are occurring, so bed time will have to be earlier around here. Fine.
I'm talking to her about her day as I take her shoe shopping, and she tells me she's already made a best friend at school. I cringe because I can feel it coming, and she tells me her new BFF is the spitter. Deep breaths, and don't freak out, mom. It's just the beginning of school. Things could change, and it's possible I could be overreacting. But the more she talks, the less thrilled I am. I learn that this girl has already been in trouble several times. In fact, she gets in trouble every time they are in the hall for crawling or acting like a dog or something. Later that night we have a chat with her, without bringing up the spitter, about making good choices herself and chosing friends who make good choices. Maybe it was over her head, but she seemed to make the connection. She told me there were 2 other girls in the class she liked, and they didn't get in trouble, so maybe she'd try to be better friends with them. Later I told Ryan what the chat was all about, backtracking to tell him about the testing day and the spitter and the naptime story. I told him I didn't want to nudge her toward being snotty or elitist, but I do feel strongly about the quality of friends a child makes and the influence they can have. I want her to start off right. He says I'm totally right and not to worry about it. He's not apologetic about it at all. At the same time I don't have a lot of control (hard for a control freak!) over what happens in the classroom. For one thing, her table is the last one, so her back is to the window rather than other kids. I don't know how much contact she'll be able to have with the other kids in the room. I hope the boys at her table are nice. Anyway, she gets to see her church friends on the playground, so maybe that will help.
I'm feeling better about everything now as we're settling in, and she's happier, but she then comes home and tells me there is a puking epidemic going on at school already. Several kids have puked at school, and some were home sick. So, that's something to watch for. Seems early for that to me. Oh well. It can only get better from here. I've sent an email (ok, maybe I am that mom afterall) to the teacher asking about naps. I'm hopeful she'll tell me they'll be starting any day. Otherwise we'll be stuck with a grump until she adjusts. Oh well. At least she's not a spitter.