Censored

I've been feeling kind of sad for my blog.
Like me, it's always had an inferiority complex about how it looks. Just plain was fine with me, but then everyone else's blogs started to look really cute. Like scrapbook pages or greeting cards. But, we had a chat (my blog and me, of course), and we decided we were in this for the writing and the sanity check it provides from time to time, so we were good. Sure, from time to time, we might try out a new color, but cute just isn't who we are. Tough breaks.
But now the writing is all but gone. I used to tell my blog lots of funny things, and it would tell you, and we'd all have an online laugh about it. But lately, I just don't have it in me. I think of stuff I want to write all the time, but I sit down at the keyboard and think about how I could be sleeping or loading the dishwasher instead. And I walk away to blog another day, too tired or otherwise consumed for the moment. Sometimes the computer is too busy for me when I want to blog. Sometimes I've hired it to babysit my older children so that I can pacify the youngest one. Or make dinner. Or watch the boob tube all by myself when Ryan's working late. Sometimes I even find it entertaining my husband while I'm busy neglecting him for the kids and the house. And I question how productive this is because it causes him to pout, and the house and kids are both still unruly. Maybe it's misallocated attention. Okay, that's a post for another day. Back to the blog.
So, then there are days when I have the time and the energy, and a great little anecdote to tell, and I just can't. I want to, but I can't. Because I've done what I think I told myself I wasn't going to do. I've started to think about everyone who I know reads this, and I worry I might offend or hurt feelings, or that you'll just think I'm nuts. And while there are some of you out there who know me well enough for that to be okay, some of you don't know me that well at all. And I worry. Because I'm neurotic and socially awkward, and that's just who I am. It's why I'm friends with a blog but don't know my neighbors' names.
So, I'm going to try something new, and please don't take this the wrong way, because I love that you're reading this. Really, I do. But I'm going to try and not care what you think about me. So there.
Still, an anonymous blog would be so fun sometimes. I could be a crazy person and not even worry about it. And I could talk about you, and you wouldn't know it, and I wouldn't even have to say bless your heart.