Time to Come Clean

In college I developed this theory that if you're fat but you have a good or otherwise distracting personality most people won't notice that you're fat. I stand by that still, but with a few exceptions. Here are some, and that's not to say that I've found all the loopholes, just that I'm aware that there are some.

1. If you're super mega fat, it doesn't work. This really only applies from chubby up to pretty darned fat.
2. Other fat people, people who have previously been fat, and those with close accquaintances to whom this rule applies (and so are familiar with it) may notice that you're fat, EVEN IF you have lots of personality. Too bad!
3. Some people are just enlightened and have some sort of fat-dar, and there is really no explaining it. For those people, we pretend they don't notice because that's really not fair.
4. I know this one is really unfair, but if you used to be thin (or not as fat) and you got fat (or fatter), the rule applies to you unless we're talking about someone who knew you before you were fat (or as fat). Sorry, but they're going to notice. That's just how that goes.

I tell you this because I'm about to out myself, and I don't want anyone to be shocked, even though I think I've probably crossed the pretty darned/super-mega barrier. So, there you have it....I'm fat. I'm not saying this because I enjoy everyone knowing. I had to tell you because I'm going to tell you about my experience at the fat lady store today, and I can't very well tell you that and have you wondering why I would be in there.

So, last week I decided that I didn't have any clothes and I popped into Lane Bryant to find some things for summer. I brought home 2 dresses I liked on the hanger without trying them on. I never do that, but they were having some sale, and I didn't feel well, and I just thought they would fit, so I did. When I got home, I realized that though I am *blessed* with a full fat lady worth of girth, I just can't pull off the shoulders sometimes. So, today I pop back in to take them back. I decide I'll try the next size down to see if they would work. I wasn't able to find them, but I found other things I liked, so I head to the dressing room. I'm trying on 2 dresses. One has a tie on belt around the waist (a risky trend for the chubby girls in my opinion, but we'll see), and the other is a wrappy sort of thing, so it's got (think about your bathrobe here) a tie on the inside at the side, and a tie on the outside at the opposite side. I get them into the dressing room and try on the belted one first, and then I put on the wrap dress. I figure, this is my size, so I am just going to slip this thing right over my head. Only, where before my shoulders were too small to hold the dress up, I can't get this dress over my shoulders. I take it off, puzzled, and fight with it for a few minutes before I realize the problem. They've got this dress, for a fat lady, cinched up so tightly at the sides that you'd think it was a size 4. So I release it from itself, put it on, and eventually I take them both home with me. Fine. Here's the thing I don't get. If you take a stroll thru the fat lady store, look around. You're gonna see these plus sized manequins with plus sized clothing on them, but it's cinched up so much that you can't tell they're for fat people. Manequins with personality, maybe? But you put the clothes on, and it will look nothing like what you saw in the window. I know it happens in all stores, but why are they trying that with us? If we're walking into Lane Bryant, we KNOW we're big girls, so they don't need to go to all the trouble. I mean, I've swallowed my I-don't-want-to-admit-I'm-fat-enough-for-this-store pride already before I walked in there, so don't patronize me. I'm in the fat lady store...give me a manequin with a fat roll already! Am I just irritable here? Probably, but I find this disturbing.