I LOVE Weekends

I always look forward to weekends before they happen. Then I find myself itching for Monday morning to arrive. I don't love Monday mornings. I have to get up and get a kid ready for school and attempt to get her there on time and in one piece, but at least I get my normal life back. Unless something exciting is going on, the weekends have started to make me insane. Too many people milling about at home, getting in each other's way and on each other's nerves. Everyone wants to eat, play, and sleep on different schedules, and it makes for chaos. Tonight I said to the kids, "No fighting, No whining!" And then I thought of how often I say that and how tired I am of saying it. Oh, and how many other saying there are I could say the same about. Here are a few of the highlights. All of these appear in my vocabulary at least daily. . . .

I asked you not to do that. If you get hurt doing it anyway, I won't have any sympathy.

Don't make a mess with that.

Get that cereal box out of the living room.

Get that drink off my couch.

Please stop making that noise.

We were just at home. Why didn't you decide to have a potty emergency before we got in the car.

Fine. Just clean it up when you're done.

What made you think that would be okay?

I can hear you chewing. Please eat with your mouth closed.

Don't wait until you have to dance to get to the bathroom.

I don't speak whine, only English.

Stop jumping on me.

You should have taken care of that before bedtime.

Get off my bed.

I don't enjoy repeating myself.

You don't have any reason to be in my room.

Why don't you pick that up instead of kicking it across the floor?

Yes, you have to brush your teeth.

Don't forget to flush and wash your hands.

Don't speak that way to me.

Daddy is a grown up, and you don't get to do everything he does. Now get the food off the couch!

For crying out loud . . . . leave each other alone!!!

Do not make that noise in this house.

Go pee NOW.

You guys are making me insane.

No potty talk.

Could you have asked me about that before I was naked and wet?

If I didn't answer you the first time, it didn't mean I wanted you to say it louder.

Just be patient.

Cool it.

You are too going to eat that.

You just lost the quiet game.

If you're still hungry, I'd be happy to let you finish the dinner you were too full to eat.

I didn't ask you if you like that shirt, but I did tell you to put it on.

Do NOT bring toys in my room!

Please don't make me count. Just do what I asked you to.

Do not throw things inside the house.

You certainly made the mess with no help.

It's not my job to keep up with your toys. Just look for it.

Did you ask someone if you could have that?

Okay, everyone back up and give each other some personal space.

Candy is not breakfast food.

Do you want to have to visit me at the asylum?

I can't help you if you don't stop whining.

That wouldn't have happened if you'd just listened to me.

Don't kick.

PLEASE STOP!

And I know you're probably saying the same thing right about now, so I will stop. Sometimes I feel like I'm so busy reciting my lines that I never actually talk to the kids. But it does make me feel better to realize that I also have Green Eggs and Ham memorized. Wonder what the kids would think if I said, "I will not, will not, with a goat!" instead of, "You haven't taken a bath all week. You are definitely getting a bath today!"