For Scott, since he asked . . .

I was going to leave you all hanging (on every word, I'm sure) about the swimming thing. Not because I really wanted to, but because the story might paint me in an unflattering light, and I try to only do that once or twice a week. But Scott really wants to know, so here we go. Forgive me ahead of time, but I say a bad word in this story. Twice. And I don't pronounce the asterisks.

When the time came to get ready, I had in fact not lost half my body weight, shaved my legs, gotten a mani/pedi, or found a way to make my hair cute, but I decided I would go. As long as Ryan got home in time for me to leave on time. And if the baby wasn't grumpy. So I got my bathing suit on (the girls stayed inbounds - halleleujah!), packed my bag for the gym, layered some warm clothes on top, and waited for Ryan to be late so I could undo it all. But he got here in time, and Peter didn't stir, so off I went. I offered a lame protest once or twice before going, but I left. Once I was in the car I started to feel the bigger reason I didn't want to do this coming to the surface: I'm an insane perfectionist. I don't want to go to swimming lessons and not be good at it. That would really bother me. And when I'm really good at something, I like for people to know it. I guess I'm a little competitive when it comes right down to it. So, either way, I would have liked Ryan to have been there; either to make me feel better if I didn't get it or to priase me when I did well. So, figuring all this out and feeling a bit insecure, I called home from the car.

R: Yeah?
J: Hey.
R: What?
J: Hey, well, what if I'm not good at swimming?
R: You'll do fine.
J: I don't do fine. I don't like to do things I'm not good at.
R: I know, but remember what a beginner's class is for?
J: Ryan, listen. What you don't seem to understand here is that I don't want to be a beginner. Or do fine. I want to kick a** and take names.
R: (laughing now) I know. But you also wanted to learn how to swim the right way, so you have to try not to be that way for now. Remember you really wanted to do this a few weeks ago.
J: Look, I have to go in there all fat and in a bathing suit, with no one to laugh it off with me if I suck, and I really don't like that.
R: Sorry. I wish we were in the same class. We'll try to get in the same one next time.
J: Whoa. you should know that if I'm not the best swimmer in that pool, there won't be a next time.
R: Have fun.
J: We'll see.

I considered going shopping instead, but I was wearing flip flops, and it was cold outside. I went to class. The pool was closed. the sign on the door said so, and it didn't say anything about my class. Remember that someone had called and said Ryan's Saturday class was cancelled this week. Maybe they cancelled mine too but forgot to call me. Feeling off the hook for sure, I decided I would just stop at the front desk and ask about my class. Oops. As it turns out, the pool, or Pool #1 I should say, will be closed all month. My class has been reassigned to Pool#2. Great. I do happen to know that Pool#2 is warmer than the other at least.
I won't get into all the details, but the long and short of swim class is that I totally can swim after all. I just never learned to do it with my face in the water. A little advice from the teacher and a few laps cleared that up, and now all I need is some practice. She told me I was a really good swimmer (I told you I need that ego stroked!) and that the breathing should feel natural to me by the end of the session. So now I feel totally relaxed about the whole thing. I called Ryan on the way home.

R: How'd it go?
J: (laughing)

Oh, I forgot to mention that I am by far the best swimmer in this class. The teacher asked me if I wanted to move up to the intermediate class, but I declined because I don't want to miss any of the basics. Then I realized that the other people in my class really really can't swim. One is barely comfortable in the water. Suddenly I felt like a jerk for all my fretting.

R: What? Is that a good laugh or bad?
J: Well, I didn't have anything to worry about after all.
R: I told you that.
J: Yep. Oh, and they'll probably want to bump you up to the intermediate class. This is really really beginner.
R: Oh yeah?
J: Yeah, but I said no because this way I can still kick a**.
R: Something is wrong with you.
J: Yeah, but you're contractually obligated.
R: I know.

That's about it. I came, I saw, I conquered.

To be fair, I got water up my nose a few times. That made me feel like less of a jerk.