Apostrophes Gone Mad!

If there was anyone out there who still liked me, it's all going to be over now. I just can't help myself any longer. The apostrophes everywhere are getting to me! Saturday was Kylie's dance recital (I promise pictures soon!), and as I was reading the program, I almost had a fit. At first I was just thumbing through it to see how long it should last as I was there with 2 children (3 if you count Kylie since we brought a friend) and no husband. I turned to one page and noticed the title of a song to which one group would be dancing: "Girl's Girl's Girl's"
Does this strike anyone else as TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY WRONG!!!?!!! The apostrophe is not a tool by which one is allowed to create the plural form of a word. Never! NEVER!!
Then I had to shut my brain off and simply enjoy the beautiful performances of all those sweet girls (girl's?) who had worked so hard. It really was lovely and made me cry to think that my Kylie was grown enough to be on that stage shaking her little butt in a sequined leotard.
OK, back to the business at hand. I was once a person who would correct another's grammar without thinking. My mother (bless her heart for putting up with me!) finally convinced me that my actions were rude. I got it, and I calmed down. I can now graciously overlook a misused word or two in polite conversation or personal correspondence. I've even embraced a fairly lackadaisical attitude toward spelling, capitalization, and punctuation when I send emails (or blog); however, I take serious issue with grammatical abuse in media. If you're going to print it for distribution or say it on television, I think you should get it right. Oh, and how some things can get past a copy editor is beyond me! So, what I'm telling you is that "Girl's Girl's Girl's" was really just my breaking point. I see this everywhere, and it's maddening. Finally I have to say (to the 3 of you who read this silly blog) enough already! I love the English language in all its complexities, but the apostrophe and its correct usage is not really very complex at all and is grossly misunderstood. The problem is apparently irksome enough to language nerds around the English-speaking world that, since 2001, there has been an Apostrophe Protection Society. Yep, and here's proof: http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
In case you're not geek enough to visit the site, allow me to offer a few suggestions for curtailing apostrophe abuse, just between you and me. (Yes, I know you're probably going to stop reading here, and that's okay. It just makes me feel better!)

1. DO use an apostrophe to form a contraction in place of missing letters.

can't
won't
don't

2. DO use an apostrophe to indicate possession (in most cases).

Jessica's idiotic ramblings
Kylie's neurotic mother
Ryan's misfortune to be married to such a head case

3. DO be careful. Some possessives are formed without the use of an apostrophe.

yours/your (your is not the same as you're, which is "you are")
its (not to be confused with it's, which is the contracted form of "it is" and not a possessive)
mine/my

4. When indicating possession while dealing with a word ending in s, here are the rules:

If it ends in s because it's plural, use the apostrophe AFTER the s:

Smiths' house
the kids' toys

If it ends in s without being plural, the informal rule is to handle it in the way in which it would
be pronounced:

Jesus' life (simply add an apostrophe without another s since we wouldn't ennunciate one)
Jess's stupid pet peeve (use 's because we would pronounce the added s)

5. DO NOT use an apostrophe to form a plural.

These examples are all INcorrect:

Watermelon's For Sale
Happy Birthday from the Smith's
TV'S

Okay, that's all I really wanted to say. Maybe next I'll explore the correct usage of I and me in a sentence. That one gets me going too, especially when I hear news anchors trying to be really clever. Oh, we'll have such fun!