Kids Say the Boldest Things

My kids often surprise me by how astute they can be to the world around them. I kind of assume they go through life as obliviously as I often do, and that gets me into trouble. I've had to teach Alex not to say things like, "Wow! He's really fat!" or "Mom, that lady has a really fat tummy!" I explained that fat remarks can hurt feelings, so he can't say things like that. For the most part, he gets it. Occasionally he forgets, but he's 4, so I take what I can get. He also has some sort of radar for dirty words. He can detect when a word is derogatory or vulgar just by tone, and he loves it! We've had to break him from saying "crap" and "fart" too many times to count, and he loves all forms of Mormon swear words. His favorite new faux swear word is "crackers," and we have no idea where this one came from. Noone at home says it, and I've really rarely heard anyone stub a toe and exclaim, "Crackers!" But, hey, we can live with crackers, especially since we're preparing for a trip with some of Ryan's extended family, and I prefer that they hear "crackers" rather than "crap" from my 4 year old. What I'm a little more worried about at the moment is Kylie. She's like a little sponge. She just wants to learn as much as she can every day, and she NEVER forgets anything. Over the course of our trying to conceive and since, we've had to answer a lot of questions from the kids. Kylie digs a little deeper than I'd expected her to, and she now knows a lot about how babies get here. (Thankfully she's not TOO concerned about how a Mommy and Daddy loving each other can make a baby yet, but she sure knows how it gets from a Mommy's tummy to the doctor's waiting hands now.) So, she also knows what and how babies eat, and this really intrigues her. Perhaps I should have had this in mind the other morning when I had to put off my shower to solve a kid problem. I was just about to get in, I was in my birthday suit, and I had neglected to grab a towel or bathrobe before I went into the bathroom. All of a sudden one of the kids has a problem to which I'm needed to tend, and I'm frustrated, so I just walk down the hall butt naked. I quickly solve the problem and explain to the kids that since I'm naked and about to get in the shower, they would need to put off any further crises for a bit. Alex just says "Okay," shrugs and walks off to watch some 'toons. Kylie looks at me, and her eyes get really big all of a sudden. She looks up from my chest and says, "Mommy, why are your breasts so big today?" I'm a little startled, wishing I had something to put on, and just mumble something in reply, probably like "HUHH?" Then she has that look like a light bulb just came on, and she says, "Oh, I bet it's because the baby is going to have big mouth." Again, I say something unintelligent and likely unintelligible at this point, to which she replies, "They sure are working hard making all that milk. That's what makes you so tired I bet." Finally, I come to my senses and bolt for the shower. You know, I was thinking that by teaching the kids about what would happen once the baby got here I would be saving myself some headache, but maybe I should scale back on the schooling around here. Or learn to keep a towel in the bathroom.