More Griping

I try not to write more than one of these in any given day. That seems like a bit much to me since it's not like I have anything important to say, but while it's on my mind, I just have to talk about toilet paper (besides, it's late, so it may really be tomorrow before I finish....). I really couldn't care less what kind of toilet paper any of you use (unless I need to use the facilities at your house), so it's quite alright if you don't care about mine, but this has me all worked up, and I'm powerless over it, so all I can do is whine a bit. Okay, so I like nice toilet paper. I also come from a long line of cheapskates (sorry, Dad, but just own it already!), so it took me a while to be able to come to grips with that fact that I couldn't settle for the cheap stuff. I'll buy store brand cereal and cleaners and medicine and salsa and shampoo if I have to, but in my house there's gonna be top shelf toilet paper. And not just any brand will do. To heck with Quilted Northern, Scott, and Cottonelle (though their commercials telling you to "Be Kind to your Behind" with the adorable labrador puppies had me convinced to the point of trying it once). . . .there's only one toilet paper for me, and that is Charmin Ultra. The one with the bear and the toielt paper roll on the tree branch. It's the best. And kind of the most expensive, but really, there's no comparing it. Once I got exited because they started to advertise Charmin Basic to make cheapos like me feel better about the price, and I was sorely disappointed. We switched back to the good stuff with a quickness. So, I'm happy with my fancy toilet paper, one indulgence of which I refuse to deprive myself, when all of a sudden they go and mess with a good thing. Now they've gone and put a super flexi weave on the stuff to make it stronger or prettier or something. No, No, NO! This is not a maxi pad; it's poo paper! It makes it totally different, and I am NOT happy, but what can I do? I read the packaging the paper came in, and it gives me some hope. Apparently now there's Basic, Ultra Soft, and Ultra Stong. My hope here is that the quilty stuff is meant for only the Ultra Stong variety and they've left Ultra Soft as it was meant to be. But the problem is that the packages look the same, and you have to be paying attention (uh-oh!) to make sure you get the right one (assuming my theory is correct and there still is a right one). That's going to add like 26 seconds to my shopping trips (if I am lucky enough to go without the wild animals I call my children), and I am telling you now that every second I can shave off of being inside a Wal-mart Super Center is like gold to me. I'm in hives by the time I get out of there, and I really don't want to have to READ my toilet paper labels along the way. But I will. Until they come to their senses and realize that noone cares if it's strong as long as it's super soft. I really don't want to have to start buying old school Charmin off Ebay, but I'll do what I have to.